The things I discover in the awaiting moderation/spam section
October 4, 2012 § 5 Comments
So it was with some bemusement that I recently noticed a couple of entries, both attributed to “Anonymous.” The first appeared in the Awaiting Moderation bin on 9/19 and is in response to a silly post I made referencing another blogger and the awful paranormal romances she dared me to read/review around a month ago:
“If I can translate what brandon’s trying to say, here it is in a language you can understand: fuck you, Fuck you and FUCK YOU! And I dont exactly blame him either. your response to him sounded more like something a troll fresh out of an asylum than a straight, truthful rebuttal. Good riddance, indeed -_-“
Alas, I do not understand that language well. I had better luck with this comment, that appeared in the Spam box, dated today:
” Huzeq uxoyitixo suvemezu nobu nofepopov iyew unoyecube oleroyacit nafuwus hatorubo julamafo. Sokoruhev koz, odaxeyage awacobag u aratiqe Bali Mojo emijiyoc ajoruji tuqa arocadoq ele. Litumu mudeq uy yufipeju toyiy; Bali Mojo”
Written in an obscure dialect of pre-dynastic Assyrian, this missive proclaims the writer’s love for the fact that this blog is so rabid vampiric squirrel-friendly. It is better-written than the previous comment, as it shows a better mastery of punctuation, plus its use of invective is more inventive when referring to the malfeasance of those who presume to gainsay the awesome splendor of the squirrels. “Bali Mojo,” or “The Voice of the Squirrels,” as I shall refer to this second writer, perhaps should stand as a shining model of goodness and moderation for the first Anonymous comment writer, as it seems there is this unhealthy desire to mix unwanted fornication with uncouth all-caps. Maybe I am worrying too much about that commentator’s blood pressure. Maybe all s/he needs is a squirrel massage, followed by a few squirrel love bites to the nose, ears, neck, and groin. Perhaps then peace shall overwhelm this person.
But then again, it could be that I have misinterpreted this second writing and that instead of pre-dynastic Assyrian, it is simply porn in a language that only the most holy of squirrels can understand. What do you think?